Hanny HoeTanny
by YoYoUnicornXXX
Summary: This is a story for the people who wont get pissed at making fun of Hannah Montanna...I hate it...


Hanny Hotanny

This story is like no other, for you see the character has a double…or make that,_ triple_ life. She handles being a normal girl and a pop star… but having the pressures of being the perfect whore. She has mastered the art of pole dancing when she was five years old. What a slut. Nobody likes her…except her 'customers'…well some of them and her annoying screaming ten year old fans. Jesssh…

We find our 'super slut' at her school. She is sitting with her dumb ass friends… Lilly and Oliver. Oliver was sweaty.

"Oliver why are you sweaty?" Asks Miley… a.k.a. Hannah Ho-tannah.

"Because that real hot guy over there…" He points to a Janitor. "I'm gunna go have sex…I mean Im going to bone him- I mean plow him! I mean chat." He walks away. Then he falls in a random hole and you hear him cry.

"Damn he is an idiot." Says Lilly.

So Lily walks away and goes to the toilet. You hear very… VERY weird things coming from the ladies bathroom.

"_Come on you fat sack of shit…. Get out of my ass NOW!"_

Everyone in the classroom can't help but listen. All of a sudden, they feel a big earthquake. You hear over the disaster.

"_OOOOOOHHHH SSSSHIIIIIITTTTT….."_

And then… BOOM! The whole school gets covered in poop. Lily comes back and everyone is staring at her.

"What?" Lily asks, trying to act innocent.

They return to there pathetic lives. Except the school is closed so now Hannah Ho-tanny can go to 5 p.m. to 5 a.m. slut job.

She arrives at _Sleww- Sleww Patoo _Gentleman's club. That is where Hannah Montana works…as a slut…just in case you were to friggin stupid to figure it out.

"I'm available." She says…and sees her love, E.T. He waddles closer and stretches out his neck.

"NAHHHHHH!" Says E.T. Then E.T. waddles over to the random Juke box from out of nowhere and begins to hump it. "E.T. Phone ho…AHHANJGAHGJSHDGJSHG!" The juke box starts to play 'Love shack' and E.T. gets turned on. His neck gets longer and longer. Hannah Montana starts to randomly eating Reeses PEICES…AND WE ALL KNOW ET LOVES REESES PIECES! So he waddles over to Hannah Montana and little does he know, she set a trap!

Hannah Montana eats him whole. Then a hobo laughs. Tom from myspace comes in and stands in front of The now even fatter Hannah Montana.

"LovemeferwhoIam13…ThisISNOTE.T. has been cheating on you sideways…with your new radio." Tom then gets captured by a Myspace Anti group…I guess he dies or something. ANYWAY…On that disturbing note, Hannah Montana sees her other love, that dumb ass rapper wanna be Kevin Federline. K Fed then sees how fat and retarded she looks, so for no good reason commits suicide. But I guess he has a reason cause he was married to that physco hillbilly Britney Spears. Damn she is messed up. Have you seen her crazy ass pink hair and shit? Call um out crazy bitches. Okay any way Hannah Montana goes to Rico's snacks shack, because after all that sluting she was getting hungry. SO she arrives.

"Hello? Is anybody there?" She calls.

"Yeah!" Calls Jackson.

"What's up?" She asks.

"I'm gay and attracted to little boys like Rico." Says Jackson. This came to no surprise for The stupid slut because she knew that Jackson and Rico were having gay booty sex for the past three months.

"I already knew that cause I heard Rico yelling 'RRRRRRIIICCCO' so I knew there was either intense booty action or umm…" All that thinking up of clever comments hurt her dumbass head so it shrunk to umpa loompa size.

"Miley! Your head is the size of an umpa loompa!" SO then for no damn reason Jackson giggled and tried to bite his ear while saying the alphabet in latin. Then he killed himself…or died of hypothermia…ah well no one gives a flying bull poop.

Miley had a concert that night so she had to look good so she called in her gay ass looking father with the ugly ass hair.

"I'm gunna make you looook goooood!" He says, for his overbite was getting in the way of good speech. Richard simmons comes in and begins to stretch with his gross mini shorts on. They were sparkly.

"Let's do it Little miss SUNSHINE!" He yelled giggling and jumping up and down.

Zeus then comes down form the ceiling and kills Richard with a lightning bolt.

"No!" Billy yells while then forgetting about his non talented kid, and now crying on Richard Simmons roasted smelly body. "I loved you!"

Billy then cries and calls The Fantastic Four on the phone. (1-800-FAN4-LYF) He explains that he would like Richard's Creepy body buried on the moon. The thing lets him because Billy gives him all his weaves and the Thing can now have hair. So Richard and Billy go to the moon and the engine breaks down. So Billy being a dumb ass thinks the moon is made out of partly hydronated cheese fat and goat lard and leaves the ship and dies. Richard Simmons comes back to life for who the hell cares and becomes good friends with the gay rights movement group…Suck It! President Bush sent them there along with abortion babies. Even though I'm sure he wouldn't mind a little booty call. Naww mean? Okay any way…back at the concert.

"I am SOOO nervous!" Says the stupid slut pretending to be a quote unquote 'rockstar'.

"Even though some how you got a trillion little screaming girls out there, calling your name…" Her best friend Lilly began, "Doesn't mean you have any talent at all. In fact your so untalented that Walt Disney's ghost commited suicide after hearing that _you, little 'ol you_ became famous. Just for having your own stupid ass show." Lilly patted her shoulder comforting her. Hannah wiped the tears from her lazy and crossed eyed eyes. This was the most truest friend ever. "And I hate you." Her voice was so calming and shit.

She walked out onto the stage and she saw the world's fattest Traveling Mexican circus and immediately fell in love.

SO I guess Hannah Ho-Tannah and her fat Mexican posse traveled the world and shit. And other good shit…HA! Just kidding the Mexican circus eats Hannah Montana because I dunno they felt like it. They're the World Fattest Mexican Traveling Circus! They can do whatever the hell they want…except cross the border because they are too fat to jump the fence into America. So Hannah Montana is probably being digested in a fat Mexican's stomach right now…probably still trying to sing good or something. I mean shit…who likes Hannah Montana? The world is a better place when she is gone. Because now she won't pretend to be Hannah Montana the stupid slut…she is now Miley Cyrus the very stupid slut. Who apparently has a very creepy relationship with her dad…Yeah…so um…The point is Hannah Montana dies and shit.

Oh yeah and Oliver rapes the Janitor and gets AIDS.

Richard Simmons is now in a relationship with a handsome gay man.

Billy Ray is somewhere.

Lilly Dies.

Jackson and Rico get married and move to Tahiti.

E.T. comes back to life because ET can never die!

Tom is still being held captive somewhere…but don't worry Myspace is still going strong.

The Thing gets hair.

Shit…this story is effed up…

FIN.

Yeah that's it…don't hate it…you like to hate Hannah Montana…it's okay.


End file.
